Canine Clean-Up Crew: Everything You’re Too Proud to Google About Nail, Ear, Oral & Facial Care 

Q: How often should I trim my dog’s nails?

Most dogs need a trim every 3–4 weeks, or sooner if you hear that tap dance of doom on hardwood. Long nails can throw off their posture, lead to joint pain, and turn your shins into scratch pads. You don’t need to aim for show-dog perfection—just keep them short enough that they don’t click on the floor. If you’re unsure, look for nail grinders with built-in safety features or clippers with guards and go slow. Treats help. So does wine—for you, not the dog.

Q: What’s the safest way to trim dog nails at home?

Use a grinder or clipper with a guard, find a well-lit spot, and take your time like you’re defusing a tiny, angry toe bomb. Start slow, especially if your dog’s nails are black and you can’t see the quick. If you do hit it, have styptic powder on hand—it clots the blood and calms the panic (yours and theirs). One paw at a time is fine. Add peanut butter and enthusiastic praise like you’re hosting the Grooming Olympics.

Q: What causes that gross smell in dog ears?

That corn chip funk? Probably yeast overgrowth, wax buildup, or a lurking bacterial rave. Dogs’ ears—especially floppy ones—are like tiny moisture traps. Clean ‘em weekly with a gentle ear wipe or enzymatic rinse like Zymox Otic. Avoid anything with alcohol or perfume unless you’re trying to create an enemy. If the smell’s strong, your dog’s scratching, or there’s discharge, call the vet before the ear becomes a petri dish.

Q: Do I really need to brush my dog’s teeth?

Yes. Unless you enjoy paying for canine dental surgery or smelling death every time your dog yawns near your face. 80% of dogs have dental disease by age 3, and it can lead to heart and organ damage. Enzymatic toothpaste (never human paste—it’s toxic), finger brushes, and dental chews help keep things clean. A quick daily swipe is better than nothing. Just don’t expect your dog to thank you. They absolutely won’t.

Q: What’s the best way to clean a dog’s face and tear stains?

Use a gentle facial wipe or tear stain remover specifically made for dogs—not baby wipes, and definitely not bleach (yes, people have tried). Look for products with no alcohol or fragrance, especially around the eyes. For stubborn stains, a warm compress and patience go a long way. And wipe after meals if your dog’s got a beard—they’re not drooling, they’re marinating.

Q: How do I clean inside floppy ears without making it worse?

Floppy ears are like built-in humidors for bacteria. Use pre-moistened ear wipes or a vet-recommended solution and cotton pads—never Q-tips. Gently wipe the outer ear and visible parts of the canal. Don’t dig. Your dog’s ears aren’t secrets you’re trying to uncover. If they shake their head like a maniac afterward, good—you stirred up the gunk. Reward, retreat, repeat weekly.