The Bark Side of Gear: 12 Hilarious (But Actually Useful) Answers to Your Most Burning Dog Accessory Questions

Q: Do dogs really need backpacks or is this just a canine fashion statement?

Dogs actually love having jobs—it’s like giving your coworker a lanyard and suddenly they’re the assistant manager of morale. Backpacks help working breeds channel their energy and give walks more purpose. They’re perfect for carrying poop bags, collapsible bowls, or the 38 sticks your dog insists on bringing. But don’t overload them—keep it under 25% of your dog’s weight, or you’ll get the side-eye and a refusal to walk that rivals a toddler at Disney World.          

Q: Are dog ID tags still necessary if my dog is microchipped?

Microchips are great if your dog ends up in a lab coat’s scanner, but ID tags are your pup’s billboard to the world. They say, “Yes, I’m adorable, but I also have a human who is probably panicking.” Bonus points for including your phone number, and not a Shakespeare quote. Some tags even include QR codes or GPS tracking. Fancy? Yes. Necessary? Also yes. Think of it as your dog’s wallet, except it jingles and has zero credit cards.         

 Q: What should I look for in dog boots, and do they actually stay on?

Dog boots are either a lifesaver or the start of a YouTube blooper reel—there is no in-between. The best boots have rugged soles for hot pavement or icy terrain, plus Velcro that could strap a rocket to a yak. Look for breathable fabric and a snug (but not sausage-casing-tight) fit. Bonus tip: practice indoors so your dog doesn’t immediately moonwalk into a wall. The good ones stay on. The bad ones become chew toys before you leave the driveway.          

Q: Are dog seatbelts actually safe or just a gimmick?

Dog seatbelts are real safety devices, not just doggie cosplay. The best ones are crash-tested and attach to a car’s LATCH system or seatbelt buckle. They prevent your dog from becoming a flying furball in sudden stops—and keep them from launching themselves into the driver’s lap like a drunk paratrooper. Look for padded harnesses that distribute force evenly. Avoid cheap tethers with plastic clips—they snap faster than a breadstick in a bulldog’s jaws.          

Q: Do dogs really need life jackets or can they just “doggy paddle”?

Some dogs swim like Michael Phelps in a fur coat. Others sink like wet meatloaf. Life jackets are crucial for flat-faced breeds, seniors, or dogs in rivers, oceans, or paddleboards where conditions change fast. Look for ones with buoyant foam, high-visibility colors, and a sturdy top handle so you can hoist them out like a soggy suitcase. Also, some dogs pretend they can’t swim to guilt you into carrying them. Don’t fall for it—buy the jacket.          

Q: Are dog sunglasses and goggles just for Instagram?

While yes, doggles do make your dog look like a furry Top Gun pilot, they also serve real functions. For snow dogs, desert dogs, motorcycle dogs, or post-surgery dogs, UV protection and debris shielding is critical. Look for shatterproof lenses, adjustable straps, and anti-fog coatings. If your dog resists, start with short sessions and treats. Eventually, they’ll realize they look cooler than 98% of humans—and the selfies will follow.          

Q: What’s the point of dog-mounted cameras or pet monitors?

Dog-mounted cameras answer the eternal question: what does my dog do when I’m not looking? (Answer: sniff, nap, lick stuff, repeat.) Cameras with Wi-Fi and 2-way audio let you check in, talk, and even toss treats. Great for separation anxiety, training, or just spying for fun. The chest-rig GoPro-style setups? Hilarious and oddly cinematic. Just don’t expect James Cameron—expect Blair Witch with fur.          

Q: Should I use communication buttons with my dog or is that just TikTok hype?

Not just hype—dogs can learn to press buttons to say real things like “outside,” “treat,” or “you disappoint me.” OK, maybe not the last one. Start with basic words, keep buttons in the same location, and model usage consistently. The results can be amazing… or chaotic, if your dog gets addicted to the “play” button. Use with caution unless you’re prepared for your dog to develop opinions about bedtime.          

Q: Why would a dog need a bell on their collar?

Because silence is deadly—especially when your dog’s hobbies include sneaking up on toddlers, stalking cats, or eating socks undetected. A bell makes your pup audible, which is great for off-leash hikes, blind dogs, or households with ninja-dogs who teleport. Look for breakaway attachments and rustproof materials. Some dogs hate them at first, then forget. Others become weirdly proud, like they’re announcing their presence like a royal parade float.          

Q: Is a dog cooling vest worth it in the summer?

If your dog pants like they’re starring in a one-dog revival of Les Misérables, yes. Cooling vests absorb water and use evaporation to regulate body temperature, especially for breeds with thick coats. Ideal for hikes, hot pavement walks, or heat-prone seniors. Soak, wring, wear—your dog will feel like they walked into a tiny spa robe. Just be sure to get one that doesn’t trap heat after drying out. Some dogs even sleep in them like it’s August in Phoenix.         

 Q: Are reflective accessories really necessary at night?

Yes, unless you want your dog mistaken for Bigfoot on a blurry trail cam. Reflective collars, leashes, and harnesses keep your dog visible to cars, cyclists, and your own half-awake self. LED options go even further—some flash like dog-sized raves, others glow like radioactive fireflies. Pair with a reflective vest if your pup is Houdini-level fast or you live in areas with low lighting. Visibility = safety, and safety = more walks, and more walks = happiness.          

Q: Are dog raincoats practical or just adorable nonsense?

Both, and proudly so. A good dog raincoat keeps fur dry, mud splatter down, and your house from becoming a damp stink-den. Especially helpful for long-haired breeds or those who freeze when wet like Victorian orphans. Look for waterproof (not water-resistant), breathable material, and underbelly coverage. Bonus if it has a hood, though let’s be honest—your dog’s ears will definitely reject the hood. They’ll look grumpy, but they’ll be warm. Victory.