Fluff, Snore, Repeat: The Doggone Truth About Beds & Dog Furniture

Q: How do I choose the right size bed for my dog?

A: Measure your dog from nose to tail, add a few inches for the occasional dramatic sprawl, and compare it to the brand’s sizing chart. If your dog sleeps like a croissant, smaller is fine. If they sleep like a crime scene chalk outline, go big. Also: err on the side of comfort. No one’s ever said “my bed’s too roomy,” and that includes your dog — who, by the way, will still choose your bed 50% of the time.          

Q: What’s the difference between orthopedic and memory foam dog beds?

A: Orthopedic beds sound fancy, but it just means the foam actually supports your dog’s joints instead of giving up under pressure like a cheap futon. Memory foam is one type of orthopedic foam — it’s the kind that hugs your dog like a loving ghost. Ideal for older dogs or drama queens who sigh loudly every time they sit down. Bonus: it’s great if your pup insists on sleeping like a pretzel and waking up like royalty.          

Q: How do I clean a dog bed without it disintegrating into sadness?

A: Step one: check if it has a removable cover. Step two: bless your luck if it does. Toss that sucker in the wash on cold, gentle cycle, no bleach. For the inside? Spot clean with pet-safe detergent or use baking soda and a vacuum. Avoid hot water or the foam may transform into a lumpy pancake that smells like regret. Wash it monthly or whenever your dog smells like “outside” plus “something worse.”          

Q: Do dogs actually need beds or is this a hooman scam?

A: Oh, they need beds. Not just because it’s adorable when they burrow, but because floors are cold, hard, and not ideal for joints — especially for older dogs, puppies, or those with arthritis. A good bed also gives your dog their own territory. Otherwise, they’ll treat your bed as a trampoline, a nest, and a crumb-covered snack pile. Investing in a quality dog bed may save your own mattress from the wrath of muddy paws.          

Q: What’s the best dog bed for chewers?

A: For dogs who chew like they’re paid by the hour, look for chew-resistant or indestructible beds made with ballistic nylon or reinforced canvas. Don’t fall for “durable” unless the brand has battle-tested reviews (ideally with photos). Pro tip: if your dog has chewed drywall, a bed won’t stop them. Consider a raised cot-style bed with no corners to destroy. And maybe some therapy. For both of you.          

Q: Are elevated dog beds better than traditional ones?

A: Elevated beds are like dog hammocks for the sensible dog who doesn’t want to sleep on dirt or hot patio slabs. They offer airflow, are easy to clean, and are great for outdoors or warmer climates. Traditional beds are plusher and feel more like a hug from grandma. So, it depends: Does your dog sleep like a dignified lizard? Go elevated. Like a dramatic poet? Plush it up.          

Q: Is it okay for my dog to sleep on the couch or human bed instead?

A: It’s okay for them, but whether it’s okay for you depends on your tolerance for fur, muddy paw prints, and waking up to a cold nose on your neck at 3 AM. Dogs will absolutely choose the softest, most human-smelling place to nap. A great dog bed nearby gives them a comfy alternative — though be warned: some dogs view their bed as a day lounge and your bed as the throne.          

Q: What’s the best material for a dog bed cover?

A: You want something that’s durable, washable, and doesn’t trap stink like a sponge in a gym bag. Top contenders are canvas, micro-suede, and waterproof polyester blends. Bonus points if it’s claw-resistant. Avoid beds that feel like stuffed toys or velvet opera curtains — they may look chic, but your dog will treat them like a snack. And those fancy faux-fur ones? Gorgeous, but you’ll need a lint roller the size of a garden hose.          

Q: Do calming dog beds actually work?

A: Kinda. Calming beds with donut shapes and raised rims can help anxious dogs feel snug and secure — like being wrapped in a warm dinner roll. The faux fur and nest shape mimic mom vibes, which is sweet and a little Freudian. That said, if your dog’s anxiety stems from fireworks, abandonment issues, or the vacuum cleaner, a bed alone won’t cut it. But hey, at least they’ll look cozy while panicking.          

Q: Can I use a human pillow or blanket instead of a dog bed?

A: Sure, if you enjoy waking up with your pillow smelling like wet squirrel. Dogs love our blankets and pillows, but they’re not designed to handle fur, drool, or mud. Plus, they don’t offer orthopedic support — unless your dog is a cat. Dedicated dog beds are made to stand up to pawing, nesting, and the occasional “I just peed but it’s fine” incident. Give them their own gear. It’ll save your laundry pile.          

Q: What’s the deal with dog furniture like couches and chaise lounges?

A: It’s real, it’s luxurious, and yes, your dog probably deserves it more than your cousin Todd. Dog couches are mini-sofas made for lounging royalty — often with memory foam cushions, washable covers, and legs so your dog doesn’t touch the floor like a peasant. They’re great for spoiled dogs, dogs with joint issues, or just aesthetic humans who want their pup’s bed to match the decor. Just be warned: they know it’s a throne.          

Q: Why does my dog spin in circles before lying down? Should I be worried?

A: Nope — it’s instinct. Dogs circle to flatten their “nest,” check the area for snakes (yes, snakes), and probably to make sure the vibes are good. It’s a leftover behavior from their wild ancestors who slept in tall grass instead of faux-fur donut beds. If your dog does it 3-4 times, totally normal. If they do it for 10 minutes straight and bring snacks, they may be summoning a portal. Proceed with snacks of your own.